Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
