I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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