I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
