Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
