He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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