Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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