found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
