I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
