I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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