i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
