i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
