I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
