vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
