I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
