im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
