I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
