sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
