I like to think it a success when the cops are called
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
