I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
