I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
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