TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
