worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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