He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
