I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
