My room smells like vodka and shame
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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