Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
