drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
