im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
