she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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