i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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