did you get engaged???
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
