Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
