im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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