what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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