dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
