if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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