He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I understand Curling. That high.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
