I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
