If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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