question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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