Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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