shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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