I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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