that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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