if you like me you must not know who I am
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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