I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
