I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
