Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
