i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
