so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
