Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
