I must be too annoying 4 u.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
