i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
