Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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